Jmas Fan Fiction

Title: Intimate Hearts: Hope
Date: April 4, 2000
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: Series, drama, angst, h/c…various other things….
Rating: PG-13 for language
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Archive: Stargate Fan, Heliopolis, Belle, Place of Our Legacy
Disclaimer: Characters are property of MGM, etc.
Spoilers: Stargate the movie, Children of the Gods, Shades of Grey, Serpent's Song, The Nox, Secrets, Forever in a Day, Maternal Instinct, Pretense, Legacy, Out of Mind.
Summary: "A great hope fell…you heard no noise…" Emily Dickenson (1830-1886)
Author's note: A continuing series…at least ten total…on the complexity and simplicity of friendship…
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Intimate Hearts: Hope
hope: v. : to cherish a desire with anticipation

"A great hope fell…you heard no noise…"
Emily Dickenson (1830-1886)


Daniel is the embodiment of hope.

Don't laugh, it's true.

From the moment he set his myopic blue eyes on the Giza coverstone, hope shone out of his eyes like a lighthouse beacon. Hope his theories were right after all, hope the universe had just grown infinitely larger, hope for a vindication of everything he'd been laughed at for years.

He was right.

I watched him blithely outthink Katherine's team of great-minds-thinking-alike, driving himself through two weeks of little or no sleep, gallons of government-issue coffee and enough 5th Avenue bars to pave a road from Earth to Abydos. He never stopped, he never gave up…

That's how Daniel is.

Then there came the battle with Ra, the realization that the wife he'd been given actually loved him as much as he loved her. Then those impossibly hopeful eyes turned to me…pleading with me to find a way to make things right for the Abydonians.

We did.

He stayed behind on that distant world for the sake of hope. To laugh, to love, to find a home with people frozen in time by Ra's interference. To find a place and a happiness he'd rarely known on this world.

Thankfully, he did.

Until Apophis showed up and his hope was stolen away in the blink of an eye…and his perfect world was lost forever. Of course at the time we didn't realize it was forever. So he still had hope. She was still alive and I'd promised we'd find her.

He believed me.

Hell, I believed me.

Neither of us had the slightest inkling at the time of just what it was we were up against. The Goa'uld were such a total unknown; malicious on a scale we had no prior reference for. The simple rescue mission we'd envisioned dragged from weeks into months into years with very little good news to keep that hope alive.

But Daniel held on to it.

He finally admitted what I knew from the get-go, every time we went through the gate there was a spark of hope Sha're would be there. Dozens of worlds, dozens of missions, and still he held on to that spark. Sometimes that spark was the one thing that pulled us all through. We made it because he expected us to. He believed it, so we did.

A little hope goes a long way.

Daniel went from a fairly naïve academic living a fairy tale to a competent and valued member of SG1 in damn shorter time than I would ever have believed possible four years ago. He's gone through a dozen different kinds of hell to live up to what he thought we expected of him, pushing himself beyond limits even I had trouble with to keep faith with the promise we'd made.

He never mentioned it again…never required confirmation, never threw it in my face that no real progress was being made. In three years he only pushed once for special consideration…during the Nox mission. I'd have done it if he had asked again…but he never did.

He never really even talked about her much…

That's one I *do* understand. After five years it's still hurts to hear Charlie's name.

The hell of it was, Sha're wasn't dead. Instead of being able to start letting go…Daniel carried around a raw wound. Every mention of her name, every unconfirmed report just picked at the edges of the pain. After he'd seen her on Abydos…and delivered her child…the wound was torn open all over again. Deeper really for seeing her as Apophis' wife…

The few short hours they managed to spend together on Abydos served to renew Daniel's hope, confirmed Sha're really was Sha're underneath it all.

But the hope turned kind of bittersweet after that…

Daniel got quiet, withdrew for a while. I just stayed close, let him know I was around and he finally pulled out of it for the most part…hope intact. A little bruised maybe, but still hanging in there.

Then we found Apophis.

It's the only time…while in his right mind anyway…I ever saw Daniel murderously angry. It wasn't hot, raw anger either. This was something cold, something utterly frightening to see in my normally quite gentle friend. Not to say Danny's a pushover…far from it…just usually given more to stubborn defiance than emotional displays. It was the closest he ever came to losing the hope. But he pulled out of it again…got quieter still about…things, but we all knew how he was feeling.

The year after Apophis 'died' was tough on him…tough on all of us. The thing with Hathor, Machello's little 'gift…God that one scared me…

I was honestly scared for Daniel then, afraid the pressure had finally cracked one of the finest minds I've ever come across. He had reason enough to let go and break down…both from the device and from the hell he was put through because of them…but he held on.

He kept a firm hold on that hope, despite all the garbage, despite everything pointing to the likelihood he'd never find Sha're again…

He held on…

And then came the day he found that hope again….

I thought he'd give up then. I think it was closer than any of us care to dwell on. If it hadn't been for those dream-whatevers Sha're implanted even as Amaunet tried to kill him…I think he would have. It took awhile, but he held on…again.

Again.

Damn luck of the draw seems to make a habit of picking on Daniel…

He fixed his hope on the kid for a while…a pale substitute but it got him through the dark times after Sha're's death. We backed him on it, though I admit at times I was less than supportive. I gave it my best shot…and he seemed grateful for it…seemed 'better' for knowing we were backing him in any percentage. I'm glad I managed to keep my mouth shut for the most part about my personal doubts, it wasn't easy at first…but I did it. Maybe I'm learning a thing or two myself along this road…

Maybe not…

I put a pretty big dent in that hope myself when all that crap went down with Maybourne and his off-world follies. I hated that, hated seeing the light die in Daniel's eyes again knowing I was deliberately causing it. I wouldn't have blamed him for hating me for it…

Little imp had me going for a while there…

When did he get so sneaky?

Getting Skaara back helped…a little. A bittersweet victory…we did for him what we couldn't do for Sha're. But a definite good thing in the scheme of cosmic justice.

Then we found the kid…and lost him again. Strangely enough Daniel seemed okay with that one. His time with the Master Caine wannabe and the Big White Mama seems to have helped him reach a sort of peace in himself. I don't even pretend to understand it, but I can see it in the more frequent smiles, the way he's opening himself up again.

Got to love him for that…

Whatever might have happened if we'd got Sha're back…whether he stayed with us or went back to Abydos…I wish he'd had his chance. Of all the people I know, Daniel's one who deserves to be happy. But it's never going to happen as long as the Goa'uld are out there. It sounds kind of egotistical to say it, but I think Daniel hangs on now for us…For Earth, for the people still out there under the Goa'uld collective thumb, for the SGC…for the team…

Daniel won't give up hope…

And neither will we…

*fin*

 

 

 

 

 

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